The Stark Reality of being a Married Woman


Every woman looks forward to being swept off her feet by that gorgeous man; the right man. It is always a dream come true when a man leaves his father and mother and eventually cleaves to his wife – you. A major hurdle has been surmounted. The wedding ceremony a huge success, then comes marital life, then comes reality and you begin to realize “that those who marry face many troubles in life.” [1Corinthians 7: 28 NIV].

I wish to share with the newly married ladies some facts that your mother might not have told you before you plunged into marriage.

To start with, my dear “iyawo”, marriage and as such, he is out would do everything possible to make it crash, when I say everything, I mean everything! Afterall, he is out to steal and destroy it and by the way “marriage” is an institution founded by God, so the devil always seeks to destroy it and present a counterfeit of it. He would go as far as making you think that your husband is the culprit when you two have a misunderstanding, instead of revealing the major offender; the devil. “So you need to be increasingly aware of the subtle ways he tries to destroy our marriages”.  Joyce Mayer in Making Marriage Work.

Shortly after the euphoria of the wedding bells, you, the futuristic new wife begins to discover certain innate qualities of your hubby that you didn’t know existed or probably didn’t take seriously while you two were courting. You might discover that your husband stays out very late for no apparent reason, he is terribly stingy, he is clumsy, he just wouldn’t help with the house hold chores, he tends to forget vital dates such as your wedding anniversary or your birthday, he is self-centered, he leaves his wet towel on the bed, he never flushes the toilet after usage, he controls you, he snores terribly, he has diarrhea of the mouth, such that he is so insulting and even strips you of your self-confidence. My dearest, your husband is not prince charming afterall and as such, he is not perfect. No man is, that is the bitter truth.

We women are known to be chatter boxes, we talk about almost everything beneath the sun. So, it is not strange that we take this with us into marriage. My dearest, learn to talk less and pray more. Even when provoked, talk less and pray more. By the way, men tend to develop deaf ears when we hamper on something over and over again, before long you would be tagged a nag. A praying wife is a powerful woman. Don’t forget the biblical Esther. You can get whatever you need from your husband communicating God. Didn’t God create him? He apparently knows him better than you do. Never ever think you can change a man without God using the Holy Spirit to penetrate his heart.

In the same vein, a praying wife obtains wisdom from God. You need a lot of it to be able to survive the hurdles of marriage.

Many a time, you would realize that your patience is being tested by your husband. With wisdom, you would know when to keep quiet, when to act or when to speak. Wisdom also makes you understand your husband and the angle he is coming from and not to make your expectations of him unreasonably high.

In conclusion, note that “most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship etc. The truth is that marriage at the start, is an empty box. You must put something in, before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty”

Happy Marital Bliss!


An English Educator writes from Lagos 08034786925 (SMS Only)

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